Well, after some reading today I seem very much at peace with what happened to Roald. I've been reading about thin or lean umbilical cords and my vomiting may not have even been the cause for his cord being thin. Apparently, it is something that just happens sometimes, and most babies survive. It says babies with thin cords are usually smaller than their actual gestational age (the doctor called me a few days after our October 23rd. ultrasound to say we needed another ultrasound on November 19th. because he was just a little smaller than he was supposed to be). They are usually at high risk for having distress in labor, so many times they are delivered via C-section. But the actual widhth of the cord is not, in itself, fatal to unborn babies. If the thin cord happens to get bent or twisted, this can result in the death of the child. This is what happened to Roald. It is a type of cord accident. While it makes me sad to think that if there hadn't been an accident Roald could have been born healthy and safely still, I am glad it is something that is not likely to occur again. And even if it does, they can monitor me closely and help me hopefully. I've read it is not a genetic issue, so the likelihoodof me having another child with a thin cord is very low.

Phew.

I just still miss him so much. I still wish I could have carried him for longer, even if he still would have died. I would have loved to see what his face would have actually looked like.

*sighs*

I guess these feelings will never go away and I will just have to accept that it happened the way it happened and when it happened.

I would have been 33 weeks 2 days pregnant today. I would have been so nervous and excited!!!! Getting closer...now as that due date creeps nearer, I just find myself dreading it.